the system

Hello blog. I don't even know where to begin. I'm writing this post to express my deep disappointment right now. The growing hatred towards women is truly frightening and infuriating.

The worst part is, this misogyny is often masked as something for our own sake when it's really just an attempt at controlling us. For instance, a few weeks ago, I had a teacher give us a whole speech about how girls dress when they go out or about how Simone de Beauvoir is not a feminist. In the moment, it seemed like it was out of protection, but analyzing his words, there's an underlying sexism. First of all, he specifically talked to us girls and almost ignored the guys, as if it’s our responsibility, our fault, when it's really men who should be taught and educated. He said that we shouldn't dress in a revealing way because if we do, guys are only going to like us for our body, not for us. Because we obviously only dress for men... This also gave the idea to the boys in my class that if a girl dresses like that, it’s okay to only like her for her body i.e., objectify her. WTF?! At the time, it came off as "I'm just trying to protect you," but it’s coming from very ill beliefs. Then, he criticized Simone de Beauvoir and stated that she is, in fact, not a feminist because she took the worst things from men and started doing them, like smoking and drinking. Once again, this comes from the false belief that smoking and drinking is a "man's thing"...You can think whatever you want about any author, but to state that she’s not a feminist because she drank and smoked? Those reasons are not it. This grown man also said many other things with equal sexist undercurrents. I spoke about it with my mum. I wish I had realized in the moment, I wish I had spoken up. All the girls in my class realized what he was saying wasn't right, but did the boys? I don’t know. Simply the fact that the teacher barely addressed them already makes it seem like it isn’t their responsibility. Boys will be boys, right? Bullshit.

I'm sick of women having to be small to not intimidate men. But no wonder, right? Because as soon as we start to speak up, men backfire with hatred and disrespect. But we don’t owe them anything, and to all the women reading, let's fight the patriarchy by simply being ourselves. I see it every day—how men are allowed to be weird, to be funny, to be wrong, but we’re judged for it. We’re supposed to be quiet, poised, and calm. We’re not allowed the luxury of simply being ourselves. Since we were little, boys have always been allowed to say whatever they want because they've unconsciously been taught that just because they are men, their opinions are valuable. On the other hand, girls have been taught that our opinions are not valuable, but they are. Let’s be ourselves. Our opinions do matter. It doesn’t matter if it’s silly, absurd, or weird. Let’s stop second-guessing ourselves because they aren’t.

After the release of Adolescence, it has become increasingly apparent that we are failing boys. As a sister of one, it breaks my heart. I honestly feel sad for men because they don’t realize the extent of how the patriarchy also affects them. They don’t realize that the system built for them gets stronger by feeding off of their insecurities and turning them into hatred towards women. I don’t think a system that feeds off of your weaknesses is genuinely making you stronger and better. It's just making you feel like you're stronger when, in reality, it's making you more hateful and disrespectful. But does it make you happy? To turn your pain into hatred instead of turning it into growth?

Women and men, we have to stop this. Let's stop finding our differences and unite against hatred. Let’s mourn a system that has failed all of us. I very often see videos like "men can’t understand this feeling" or whatever. In the moment, it seems innocent with the aesthetic pictures and cute music, but it’s just reinforcing that women and men are so different, that men can’t empathize with us. We're excusing their behaviour. We are all able to understand each other, so let’s just cut the silliness. And yes, the tiktok concept of girlhood is beautiful, but let’s not forget what it’s a product of.

While we waste our time dividing humans by gender, race, and every other characteristic on the planet, there are people actively using it as means to get away with policies that negatively affect the grand majority of us. Let's stay focused on what matters and reconsider if it's really worth it to continue a war that is just being used for the gain of a handful of people, against the wellbeing of the great majority.

when you just get it

Hi blog. I'm back with another crappy post because I can't seem to shut up. I should be studying math, but here I am, nonetheless. Today, I wanted to discuss that very distinct moment when you just get it.

This happened to me a few months ago with Charli XCX's BRAT.

Although I’d love to say I had a brat summer, I’d be lying. I heard mutterings about it—‘brat summer’ this, ‘Kamala IS brat’ that. I tried listening to the album once, but it didn’t really spark anything in me. I simply didn’t get it.

Fast forward to October, 

Charli released the Brat remix album, known as Brat and It’s Completely Different but Also Still Brat. While watching Fantano react to the songs, something just clicked in my head. From one day to the next, I was obsessed with the remix album, the deluxe album, and with THE album.

Why did it suddenly make sense? I think it all comes down to identity. I’m not a party girl; I’ve never been to a party. To be honest, I can barely handle the parties in my village. So I didn’t really feel like I identified with the album in any way. I didn’t fit the vibe, the mood, or the world Charli had created. But the thing is, I had only seen the surface of this album. I didn’t change, my perception did. I went from seeing it as an album about a party girl having fun to something much deeper, something I could relate to—a party girl who's struggling with life but deciding to turn it into fun. It’s such a powerful idea.

Suddenly, I felt like I was exploring a different side of myself, unleashing my wildness. It's turned into my favorite album. It never gets old; it makes me feel so much. My eyes always get teary when I listen to Girl, So Confusing.

This same thing happened to me with Lana Del Rey. I found her songs quite boring before, a nice background track for a nap. However, one day I was feeling sad, so I put on her music and suddenly, I was in the world of the sad girl—the tragically beautiful. Addison Rae is another great example. Yes, her music might not have the best lyrics and maybe her 'rebrand' is all a facade, but she has created a world that is so easy to slip into.

In conclusion, that marvelous feeling of discovering a whole new world, comes down to how your identity fits into the artist's world. Sometimes you can think they're incompatible, causing that disconnect. Seeing different parts of ourselves, changing our perspective, is hard and maybe that's the power of art, that it forces us to connect with parts of ourselves we never even knew we had.

I’ll see you again when you just get it.

Drawing 'Hating pop music doesn't make you deep' done by me :)

descending into madness

Hello, blog.

Today, I found myself in the most shocking, madness-inducing situation of my entire life. We went to have lunch with a family member, and my dad started telling a joke. Suddenly—what the actual f*ck?!!! He was telling MY joke.

I obviously called him out, and then he had the audacity to say that I was the one who copied him. I couldn't believe my eyes, ears, and everything in between. Was I living in another reality? Am I going insane?

A few months ago, I was playing Trivial with my mom and brother. I asked my brother the question: "Was Jimi Hendrix left-handed? True or False?" My brother answered correctly and immediately started bragging in the typical "I'm so special because I'm left-handed and all geniuses are too" way. That’s when I said, "All geniuses are left-handed. But not all left-handed people are geniuses."

He went silent, as if a bomb had just dropped on him. His own sister had roasted him to hell and back.

The next day, I told my dad how I had absolutely obliterated his son. He laughed. I felt proud of my witty comeback. End of story.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward to today—months later—my dad steals my anecdote, my joke, my glorious moment of sibling victory, and turns it into his own work. In his version, he was the one who roasted my brother with that clever line. Apparently, not only did I not tell that joke, but I also copied him a day after he told it.

This might seem like a petty and silly thing to get mad about, but I feel like I’m descending into madness. And of all days, this happens on Women's Day. It just feels like yet another instance of men stealing from women and then gaslighting them into believing the contrary.

Honestly, it might not be safe for me to be writing this right now since I am in a very "I hate men" mood. I now feel like all of those women throughout history who had their work stolen by men.

It's not cool.

P.S. I still love my dad just don't let him know, I'm supposed to be mad at him for eternity. 

 Picture of Nico.

Surviving Blender Part 1: We’re All in This Together

 Hi everyone! I welcome to this series of posts I’m hopefully going to commit to continuing. For starters, in case you don’t know what Blender is, it’s a free program, most known for its incredible 3d tools, but it also offers 2d animation and editing. 

 Blender is known on the Internet for being hard to learn, most quoted as a nightmare. I already tried to learn Blender once in the past because my dad kept saying that I should do so, considering it’s a growing field in the industry. I tried and failed, miserably. I got frustrated and simply abandoned my donut. Ah yes…the donut. 

 The blender donut became popular thanks to the YouTuber Blender Guru, who makes almost yearly beginner tutorials, and the project is to make a donut. 

 Why am I making this series? I’m essentially attempting to learn Blender again. I know this might seem like the worst possible option, considering my horrible history with it, but as the song says, ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’

This brings me to the purpose of this series. I need an accountability partner and maybe you need one too hence the High School Musical song ‘We’re All in This Together’ reference in the title.

 As for how my donut is doing, well, I just arrived at the first hour of the tutorial and I’m close to pulling my hairs out. I’m stuck because I changed something in the solidify settings and now my donut is more like a bagel. My icing, aka the yummiest part, has literally blended (blender you know?) with my donut and is now notably lacking. 

 Lastly, if anyone is also learning Blender, I think this blog series might console you in the profound despair that you’ve probably been experiencing 99% of the time you’ve been using the program.

 Before leaving, I may excuse myself for the depressing note of this post. I do have to add that I did, however, complete the Blender monkey. Yes. I know it comes with the program but let me have a win. I recommend you try it too.
Bye! Hope you enjoyed, I hope at least this got you into the mood for some sad girl bops.

 

 

City of Thieves: A Must-Read Historical Fiction

 

Hi!!! Sorry for not posting for so long. I sincerely just haven’t known what to write about, I’ve had so many different ideas but none of them seemed to stick.

There’s some pressure when you know the people who are reading your posts, it’s not like before, when random people read it.

 

That’s why today I’m presenting to you this recycled B2 FCE exam prep essay, to impress you, may I add, with my outstanding book taste. Filled with idioms and point-winning expressions, I present to you…My (Revised) City of Thieves Book Recommendation.

 

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live in a city under siege? Then the breathtaking historical fiction novel ‘City of Thieves’ might be your cup of tea. Written by the American author David Benioff, known for being one of the writers of the famous ‘Game of Thrones’, this book is both cinematic and heart-stopping.

 

This story is set in the vast city of Leningrad, nowadays known as Saint Petersburg, in Russia, during the 2^nd World War.  During this time, Leningrad was under a military siege undertaken by the Nazis. The siege lasted 872 days and it became one of the longest and most destructive sieges in history. As a result, 1.5 million people died, leading 21st-century historians to classify it as a genocide.

 

The plot
centers around a timid teenage boy Lev and his fellow cellmate Kolya, an adventurous young man. In jail, they are both ordered to search for a dozen eggs, which in these circumstances were extremely difficult to get. If they don’t obtain them in one week, they will be executed…

 

The characters are well-crafted and complex. Lev is the protagonist, who is so easy to relate to and has unbelievable chess skills. On the other hand, Kolya is a charming and charismatic character that will warm your heart (quite literally, I legit had a crush on him)

 

In my opinion, I couldn’t put it down and even in the midst of despair, the characters would always find a way to make you laugh. With a gentle, but intense introduction and a cliffhanger ending, this novel is the most fascinating book on my shelf. If only I could read it again for the first time… so for all the people who haven’t read it yet, add it to your Goodreads reading list!

 

P.S.: grab a pack of Kleenex before you start reading. It’s for your own sanity.

THE PROJECTS WE LEAVE BEHIND: WHERE DO THEY GO?

Okay, I'm not inspired enough to write this. Well... did you catch the wink to Billie Eilish's debut album in the title? (I'm listening to it right now, by the way.) I’ll make sure to put it in all caps. I’ve kind of been missing the humor from my last posts (if there was any), but I’m just not in a funny writing mood anymore. Is self-deprecating humor my ONLY humor? Well, let’s see what I can bully myself about today.

Silly digital illustration I made for the post.

Now, this brings us to the topic of today's post: the fact that I gave up on a project for which I stopped showering and sleeping. I know, tragic, huh? I basically became the straight-up hermit I always thought I would become. Here I am, fulfilling my dreams. I ended up writing a half-hour-long script, which should've given me a hint of its future but, of course, I didn't see it even though I need glasses for a reason.

Nevertheless, El Misterio de Los López: Capítulo III was finally happening. It was also ending the series of short films I started with the kids from my village. The story was about eight orphaned siblings—because who doesn’t want to be siblings with their friends and not have parents? I’m not going to lie, it sounds appealing until you realize you have to unveil your beauty secrets (only Vogue gets those!). Sorry for the detour.

We finally got into production and shot the film for three days before deciding to call it off because, clearly, we weren’t going to finish it; there were too many scenes to film, not enough time to do so, and a workaholic as the only person behind camera (not the best work ethic). I think I was overly ambitious with this project (you think?). Now I regret not having split the script into two parts to create a four-film series. It’s too late now, and regret has started creeping in—more like stomping in, to be honest.

Why? Because I always considered myself someone who doesn’t give up, and having to abandon something I’m so passionate about has really left me doubting myself. We all have projects we abandon, right? I guess it’s part of the process. Not everything is going to be a success; sometimes you’re going to fail. I know that, but it still hurts.

At the end, we decided to have fun! We made silly shortfilm that I turned into a 90s-inspired fake documentary through editing. We also made a trailer for the film we gave up on and held a little event for the parents, featuring a marathon of all the El Misterio de Los López films and the new short film at the end. Everyone seemed to really enjoy the 10-minute iMovie trailer I made (shhhhh). Apple wasn’t joking when they said it would look professional—I fooled the whole village!

This is turning into a great ramble; I was supposed to talk about the hardships of creative projects, and instead, I’m talking about iMovie.

In conclusion, projects often go sideways and it's completly normal as much as we would like everything to go our way all the time. I guess we have to think of everything we've learned from the experience and try and let go of the regret and guilt, we can't change the past. At least not yet. Thank you for staying till the end and feel free to share your own thoughts on this topic.

P. S. If anyone happens to have acces to a time machine, please contact me :)

When You Mix Sleep Deprivation with Self-Hatred: A Stream of Consciousness

Hello! So, where to start... I suck at socializing, and I also hate it. I still don't know which one of the two. Maybe both. It always happens like this: I feel so infuriated with myself, but then, once I sit down to write it down, I go blank. Is my problem non-existent? Is it just all in my head?

Why? You may be asking. Well, I don't know why. I was thinking of pulling off a Socrates on you, but I'll tell you what I do know. I know that I'm awkward and suck at small talk. I know that sometimes I don't know who I am and that other times I hate myself. Maybe I always do. I also know that everyone feels like this, but most people probably don't expose it on the Internet. It's not like anyone is going to read this. I'll probably just put a link on Instagram, and some people will.

Drawing by me ;)

I think that the key to this is the fact that I don't want to be alone, but I simultaneously don't enjoy being around people that much. It always feels like a facade. That's on me, I know, but the truth is I find the 'true me' insufferable and annoying and selfish. I always seem to care more about the work or the learning than the socializing. I should just force myself for my own good, but isn't that ingenuine? Shouldn't I want to socialize? I do like connecting with others, I truly do. I don't hate people; I admire a lot of them for their uniqueness and their quirks, for their style and their smiles, or simply for being who they are. I want to be at their level, so I try to learn as much as I can, but I feel like I never get there because maybe I'm not meant to be with those extraordinary people.

I don't know what I'm doing. I sound like a loser, and I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm playing the victim. I'm just trying to encapsulate my state of mind at the moment.

Well, if you want to read something more amusing, check out my other posts! And to whoever is reading: I hope that you can relate, and feel free to share your thoughts! Bye-bye.

P.S.: This has not been revised thoroughly, it was just my stream of thought. Keep it in mind. Thanks.